The beauty of the book is that there is so much to explore and discover yourself by browsing through. As personal and vulnerable as it is – 

There is a distinction of a scientific and personal stream. To validate my own experience I needed science and facts. They offered me knowledge and assurance, becaue it can not be wrong if it is based on facts, right? This is translated into the set up of the book, the scientifc part is at the end only of second significance. It is hidden in between the regular pages, but at the end of the day it does frame the personal story.

The personal story is written in a total of three languages – German, Dutch, and English. Because of my biingual upbringing I relate to certain phases and experiences in either rather German or Dutch. However, also the English language is very present in my life and it contibutes to the accessibilty. Therefore, every content is present in English anywas. 

While I wrote down my own expierences I had time and space to refelect on those experiences. How I feel now about those storys is not necessarily how I felt in the actual moment. There is a contrast between today and then, between my inner and outer world of emotions. This is showcased with personal notes as well as with a guiding, red thread. On the outside I kept things quiet and adapted – the line is mellow. And even if i didn't fully realize it at the time, there were more feelings and omissions on the inside. Frustration. Sadness. Anger. Despair. Pain.  Those are now portrayed on the literal inside of the pages, hiding away. The red thread that guided me through this whole process, maybe even through my whole personal experience has been essential.